Mums reveal the painful things people say after a miscarriage
New movement helps shed light on what it’s like to lose a child
Content Editor / September 25 2018
When a woman loses a baby, it can be hard to know what to say.
A new photo series on Instagram has seen mums share some of the hurtful things which have been said to them after miscarriage or infant loss, in the hopes it might help others be more sensitive and mindful.
Dana Dewedoff-Carney was coming into her second trimester when her doctor told her that her baby’s heartbeat could not be found and that it was just the ‘wrong’ baby, she told Babble.com
“Our hope. Our dreams. Our future,” she says. “Baseball games. Diaper changes. His brother and sisters playing with him. Kisses and laughs and him being bad. And getting himself into trouble. All of that was gone.
And the few months I carried him. The sickness I went through. And to be told he was the wrong baby. That was our son. The ‘it’ [my] body was getting rid of. Was Benjamin.”
The 29-year-old was inspired to launch Project Benjamin, to help raise awareness of how we talk to one another about baby loss.
Since then, many women have taken to social media to share their own experiences of how they have been treated and the things which have been said to them after losing a child, using the hashtags #theymattertoo and #struggledoesnothavealook.
“Because of our son and the other children named in this project, a bigger discussion happened,” Dana says.
“It brings me a sense of peace. My hope is that going forward people begin to talk to each other about their struggles, too.”
Nicola Conville has worked as a journalist and editor for more than 20 years across a wide range of print and online publications. Her areas of expertise are parenting, health and travel. She has two children; Lucy, age eight, and Nathan, age five.