Mums reveal the painful things people say after a miscarriage

New movement helps shed light on what it’s like to lose a child

Content Editor / September 25 2018

When a woman loses a baby, it can be hard to know what to say.

A new photo series on Instagram has seen mums share some of the hurtful things which have been said to them after miscarriage or infant loss, in the hopes it might help others be more sensitive and mindful.

Dana Dewedoff-Carney was coming into her second trimester when her doctor told her that her baby’s heartbeat could not be found and that it was just the ‘wrong’ baby, she told Babble.com

“Our hope. Our dreams. Our future,” she says. “Baseball games. Diaper changes. His brother and sisters playing with him. Kisses and laughs and him being bad. And getting himself into trouble. All of that was gone.

And the few months I carried him. The sickness I went through. And to be told he was the wrong baby. That was our son. The ‘it’ [my] body was getting rid of. Was Benjamin.”

The 29-year-old was inspired to launch Project Benjamin, to help raise awareness of how we talk to one another about baby loss.

Since then, many women have taken to social media to share their own experiences of how they have been treated and the things which have been said to them after losing a child, using the hashtags #theymattertoo and #struggledoesnothavealook.

RISE-For Women (@riseforwomen) is doing an incredible photography awareness campaign to shed the light on insensitive comments made about miscarriage and loss. The movement is called Project Benjamin in honor of Dana and Joe's son who was lost due to miscarriage in June 2018. Dana is doing wonderful work breaking the stigma associated with pregnancy and infant loss. Bringing awareness to recognizing these babies who are lost because #TheyMatterToo. . For me, this was one of the insensitive comments that always stuck with me. Although it did not come from a hurtful place and it was due to naivety/ignorance - hearing that my losses may not even count as a pregnancy was very difficult for me to overcome. . Over the past few months, I have met some amazing women who have struggled just like me and have provided a light when the path was so dark. If it wasn't for women empowering other women and movements like this one, the world would be a much darker place. I am so thankful to all the powerful and strong warriors I have in my tribe.

“Because of our son and the other children named in this project, a bigger discussion happened,” Dana says.

“It brings me a sense of peace. My hope is that going forward people begin to talk to each other about their struggles, too.”