“I found out my husband had an affair 10 years ago, what should I do?”

One woman shares her dilemma

Content Editor / March 13 2019

Having an affair is often considered a deal-breaker in a marriage, but what if it’s only discovered long after it’s over?

This is the predicament one woman finds herself in after uncovering an affair her husband was involved in a decade ago.

Taking to Mumsnet to share her story and ask for advice, she asked whether she should hold on to her marriage or end it.



“He's spent a decade being a good father and husband - so what now? Throw it all away?” she wrote.

She added that the affair lasted for around a year and involved a handful of encounters, mostly in his car at lunchtime.

She found out about her husband’s cheating on Facebook – after the partner of the woman he cheated with got in touch.

“I don't like being in a relationship where a lie as big as this existed,” she added.

“I equally don't want to live in a world without forgiveness. It's just hard when the thing you're looking to forgive is a one year fling.

“But if you don't, you risk screwing up your children by separating.”

Getty Images

Getty Images

Many commenters sympathised with the woman, saying it was normal to feel upset by the deception, regardless of when it happened.

Others expressed concern that it may not have been the only affair he’d had.

“How do you know if there hasn't been others? You placed your trust into someone and they broke it,” wrote one.

“I wouldn't want to burn a marriage to the ground when, as you say, outside of this you are very happy together and he is a great father to your kids,” said another.

“But I'd want him to know what he did - the not telling you for ten years as well as the affair - is not acceptable and you're not going to simply move on and have him get off scot-free.”

What would you do?

Nicola Conville has worked as a journalist and editor for more than 20 years across a wide range of print and online publications. Her areas of expertise are parenting, health and travel. She has two children; Lucy, age eight, and Nathan, age five.

Related tags

affair /