Mum’s harrowing dilemma: “Should I give my nine-month-old up for adoption?”
Content Editor / May 15 2019
A mother of two has taken to a popular internet forum to ask whether she should give the younger of her children up for adoption.
She has a three-year-old girl and nine-month-old boy whom she felt “pressured” to have, and is now struggling to cope, she explains.
As she shared in an anonymous post on Reddit, she and her husband are in their mid-twenties and already had one child when she got pregnant for a second time just eight months later.
But the timing wasn't right so they decided to terminate the pregnancy at 15 weeks.
When her family found out, they did not react well, especially her mother, who is strongly anti-abortion.
“I felt immense guilt for disappointing my mother by having an abortion,” the mum explains. “The unreasonable part of me wanted to make it up to her, and the unreasonable course of action was to have another child.”
When baby number two came along, however, the woman’s family “ghosted” her and will not see her or speak to her.
“She said it's punishment for having the abortion previously and that we're not part of the family anymore and we're on our own,” she wrote.
“My support system went to zero in a matter of weeks. Even my sister was on board and ghosted us 100%.”
With lack of support and financial pressure on the family, the couple are now struggling to cope.
“I broached the topic to my husband of maybe putting our son up for adoption, so he can be raised in a better household.
“Not only that, but maybe our marriage would repair itself, our daughter can have a better undivided life, and we can continue on our original path of just having one child.”
The post has received hundreds of comments so far, with many people urging the woman to think twice before giving up her son.
“Can you imagine how immensely it would f*ck up the kids to do this?,” wrote one poster. “The toddler would feel like at a moment's notice she would be disposed of just like her brother was. Get tested for [Postpartum Depression] because I really do think you should have bonded to your baby by now.”
“If I’m understanding you correctly, you HAD your son because you thought your family would help you, but then they ghosted you,” wrote a second. “While I don’t blame you for wanting to put him up for adoption, I don’t think you should.”
“You have postpartum depression,” added a third. “You are thinking crazy thoughts and it is not your fault. Please go to a doctor now!!"
Let’s hope this mum gets the help and support she needs.
Nicola Conville has worked as a journalist and editor for more than 20 years across a wide range of print and online publications. Her areas of expertise are parenting, health and travel. She has two children; Lucy, age eight, and Nathan, age five.