Official list of top Bogan names of 2019 here!
Crack open a cold one and grab a meat pie!
By Practical Parenting Team
October 21 2019
Move over Chardonnay, and take a seat Bicardi, the official list of best bogan names for 2019 have arrived!
Sabrina Rogers-Anderson, author of 'The Little Book of BOGAN baby names" has given her definitive list for 2019, and there are some crackers!
ANOMALY. The first rule of baby naming is: Google it before you ink it (on a birth certificate). I can only assume that Anomaly’s mum didn’t hear about this crucial stipulation. If she had, she probably would’ve decided against a word that means “one that is abnormal or does not fit in.”.
PANDA. NOPE! Not a name. I checked the Big Book of Acceptable Baby Names and Panda is definitely not in there. What kind of surname does this even work with? Panda Anderson? Panda Campbell? Nope. No. Nunh-unh
SIANNA-MARRIE. When you really want to make your child’s life difficult, you take two misspelt names and mash them together with a hyphen. Poor Sianna-Marrie will waste 4752 precious hours of her life* spelling her mutilated moniker to the world (*approximate statistic).
SNOWDROP. I thought these parents had annoyingly combined “snowflake” and “raindrop”, but it turns out a snowdrop is a flower. I’ll give them half a point for choosing a name that actually means something instead of making one up, but it’s way too cutesy for a human. Rejected
STARLETTE. Oh, dear. A “starlet” is a doe-eyed aspiring actress – not exactly a solid meaning to begin with. Add a useless “-ette” at the end for an extra dash of girlish charm and you’ve completely lost me.
VELVETTE. Can you imagine twins named Starlette and Velvette? I wish it was true, but alas they’re two separate people. I just don’t know whether to pronounce them like the original words or like a Corvette? So much brain confusion.
VIN’NYLA. I truly don’t know what to make of this. Vin is a diminutive of the male name Vincent meaning “conquering”, while Nyla is a female Arabic moniker that means “winner”. There’s a definite hero vibe going on here, but why are they combined with an apostrophe? Are they the grandparents’ names? I guess we’ll never know..
WINDY. If you can keep your mind off fart jokes and see this for what it probably is – a reference to the wind – you’re probably still wondering why anyone would name a child after such an irritating element. How about Sunny? Or even Rain? Windy just gives me the chills.
BRAYAN. Is it Bryan? BRAY-un? Bray-ANN – a girl’s name? This is one of those modern inventions that gives teachers permanent migraines and leaves everyone else scratching their heads.
PLUTO. Pluto reminds me of a full planet that was recently demoted to a dwarf planet and a goofy cartoon dog, but not a human boy. I seriously couldn’t keep a straight face if I had to address as baby as “Pluto”.
PRECISE. This is not a name, silly billies! It’s a word that means “exact” or “accurate” and it puts way too much pressure on the bearer to get everything right. It’s entirely unsuitable on a birth certificate.
SINCERE. OK, get this… Sincere is Precise’s brother! I’m not even joking! After placing the unreasonable expectation on Precise to always be right, these parents decided to pressure their second-born into always telling the truth. These kids will need therapy for sure.
TENYSI. If your brain has been unable to make sense of this, it’s a misspelling of Tennessee. Bahaha! Just when I think I’ve seen it all, some crafty parents come up with this next-level shizz.
TIGGER. Aw, how cute! The baby and his favourite stuffed toy have the same name! NOT CUTE. This poor child will one day turn into a full-blown adult named Tigger. I can almost 100 percent guarantee he will never become a CEO.
TOKYO. This one was reported to me by a friend who was laughing hysterically as she told me. Her very Aussie neighbour has always been heavy-handed with the racial slurs, and next thing you know she’s named her baby Tokyo! Oh, the irony.
WIATT. I was already dumbfounded that celebrities such as Goldie Hawn and Sheryl Crow had bestowed such an old-school southern name as Wyatt on their sons… and then Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher named their daughter Wyatt too! But misspelling it with an “I” is just too much for me. I wave the white flag on this edition of bogan baby names. Until next time, fellow bogan watchers.