Mum confesses: “I love my biological daughter more than my adopted daughter”


Content Editor / April 11 2019

One very honest mum has admitted that she has a deeper love for her biological child than her adopted child.

She explained that she and her husband had always planned to adopt kids, but then she unexpectedly fell pregnant.

“A year into our marriage I got pregnant with our daughter June,” she revealed on Reddit.

"It was unplanned, but we were financially stable and wanted children anyway, so we were both excited to become parents.

When their first daughter, June, was two, they adopted a little girl named Charlie.

“From the beginning, I felt a difference between my love for my daughters. When I held Charlie, I adored her, but it felt more like holding a friend's kid than my own.”

Getty Images

Getty Images

She confided in her husband and found that he felt the same way. The couple felt that if they spent more time with their daughter, in time they’d feel closer to her.

While her husband now feels more closely bonded with Charlie, however the mum is still struggling.

“3 years later, my feelings have not changed. In many instances, behavioral issues inhibit bonding, but this is not the case,” the mum shares.

“She is a wonderful little girl, who is, in many ways, more well-behaved than her sister who is 2 years older.

“Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my adopted daughter. But not in the same way I love my biological daughter.

“I can't get over the feeling that she's not my kid or that I'm taking care of my friend or family members child and not my own.”

So far the thread has attracted more than 560 comments, with many people who are adopted themselves sharing their own experiences.

“I have an adopted sister, and we had to endure all the usual: "Does she get along with your REAL kids?" "Does she know her REAL parents?" As a child, it made my blood boil,” said one.

“An adopted child is a REAL child. And no matter how much you try to treat them equally, your children will pick up on your feelings.”

“I would be proactive in your approach to this issue. Adopted children get the ‘less than’ message sent to them from all sides. Maybe provide them concrete and unique memories that they can rely on to ‘prove’ your love for them is real and deep.”

The mum then added another twist to the story, revealing that she herself had been adopted as a child, which was why she wanted to adopt too.

“I realize that if I feel this way about my daughter, then my parents may have felt this way about me. I didn't have any bio siblings to compare to or maybe I just wasn't the most perceptive,” the mum said.

“I'd recommend some therapy for you now,” wrote one poster. “Therapy might help you either realise that you have true parental feelings towards Charlie, or to reconcile the differences in your feelings and figure out a way to make absolutely certain that it isn't obvious to either of your kids.”

What do you think?

Nicola Conville has worked as a journalist and editor for more than 20 years across a wide range of print and online publications. Her areas of expertise are parenting, health and travel. She has two children; Lucy, age eight, and Nathan, age five.