I don't love my husband, but I will never leave him
Is it OK to stay with your partner for the sake of the kids?
July 16 2018
I know I shouldn’t say this but I don’t love my husband. Not in the way I should. I think he’s a brilliant dad and an amazing friend but he’s more like a brother. We comfort each other, stand by each other and we definitely have a fun time together but do I fancy him? No. Do I want to have sex with him? No. And when I do, does the earth move? No.
But is that enough for me? Yes.
I have thought long and hard about this. We have three children with ages ranging from 11 to five and I love our family. I love being a part of this family. All three kids are happy and healthy and they adore their mum and dad (most of the time). To give all this up because I want more seems selfish so I grin and I bear it. After all, I am not unhappy and I am mostly content. I just figure that if I have a list of needs and wants and nine out of ten of them are ticked, isn’t that nearly having it all? And isn’t that good enough?
I guess, if I am honest, I have felt like this for a long time. My husband is my best friend and after the birth of our second child, our sex life waned. I put it down to being exhausted. Then I realised that I just didn’t want sex. Not with my husband. He doesn’t turn me on anymore. It feels a bit like doing it with your best mate.
I’m not sure how he feels. We have never spoken about it. We have sex once every three months or so and the rest of the time we laugh, we joke, we hug, we cuddle and we are very happy to spend time together.
Who knows if, as time goes on, and the kids get older I will want more than I have? I don’t know. But right now, and for the foreseeable future, I think this life suits me. I have a lovely man, a gorgeous family – I just don’t have the passion. And isn’t that a small price to pay for four other people to be blissfully happy?