Friends tell c-section mum she “didn’t give birth properly” and she’s heartbroken
Content Editor / February 13 2019
If your birth doesn’t go to plan – as they often don’t – it can be disappointing for a new mum. But if other people pile on and make you feel bad for the choices you’ve made, or that were made for you, it’s even worse.
One poor mum took to the internet to share her frustration after a group of friends mummy-shamed her for having a c-section.
“So I had a baby boy 5 months ago and recently met up with some friends whose children are older,” she wrote on Mumsnet.
“I generally don’t talk about the birth… but they did ask so I briefly told them (induction, back to labor til fully dilated, pushing with episiostomy and forceps, emcs).
One of the woman then told her “so you’ve come away from that thinking that you know what it’s like to have a baby?”
She then added: “you’ve not given birth properly, you’ve not been in transition, you’ve only done the easy bit. So many woman think they’ve given birth but they have no idea.”
Unsure of how to respond to this, the new mum just changed the subject, but admitted that the exchange left her feeling with a bad taste in her mouth.
Another ‘friend’ also chimed in saying that “a section is the easy option but if your body can’t give birth properly it’s not your fault.”
“Am I being unreasonable that this is not how normal people view childbirth?” the mum asked readers.
Most people came to her defense, saying that she wasn’t being unreasonable and that it was not something friends should say to one another.
“That person is not a friend. What a horrible thing to say,” wrote one.
“She sounds horrid. Of course you’ve given birth - your baby has been born so you must have done! And it sounds like your birth was much harder than mine, where my baby did come out vaginally. Ignore her, she’s an idiot,” added another.
“They both sound delightful! For some reason some women think pregnancy, labour and parenting is a competition. I find those women the best ones to avoid!” said a third.
What do you think?
Nicola Conville has worked as a journalist and editor for more than 20 years across a wide range of print and online publications. Her areas of expertise are parenting, health and travel. She has two children; Lucy, age eight, and Nathan, age five.