Adele has recently spoken out about her experience with motherhood and postpartum depression. She opened up in an interview with Vanity Fair about the reasons why she fears having a second child after what she went through when her first son, Angelo, was born.
She revealed that the first problem she had was talking to people about what she was going through, and admitting that something was wrong.
"I had really bad postpartum depression after I had my son, and it frightened me," she said. "One day I said to a friend, 'I fuckin' hate this,' and she just burst into tears and said, 'I fuckin' hate this, too.' And it was done. It lifted."
Even the idea of putting herself first gave her guilt at first, but she realised she needed it.
"I felt very inadequate; I felt like I'd made the worst decision of my life. [Depression] can come in many different forms," she said. "Eventually I just said, 'I'm going to give myself an afternoon a week, just to do whatever the fuck I want without my baby.' A friend of mine said, 'Really? Don't you feel bad?' I said, 'I do, but not as bad as I'd feel if I didn't do it.'"
She also spoke about the pressure that women face to have kids, and how in a way, it is actually harder for women to make the choice not to have children.
"I think it's the bravest thing not to have a child; all my friends and I felt pressurized into having kids, because that's what adults do," she said. "I love my son more than anything, but on a daily basis, if I have a minute or two, I wish I could do whatever the fuck I wanted, whenever I want. Every single day I feel like that."
In the end, she loves her son to the moon and back, but she said she has had to reevaluate her meaning of 'free time'.
This article originally appeared on Marie Claire.